The Top 10 Reasons Why Phish-Heads Suck!

Ever since the emergence of vermont-based jam band Phish in the early 1980’s, a certain stereotypical groupie/ fan-based began following the band around, one similar to that of  the infamous ‘Dead-Heads’ of the Hippie era. These jam-seeking drug addicts, known as Phish-heads, have been infiltrating our society for a little under three decades. I have decided to compile a list (in no particular order) of the ten most dominant reasons why Phish-Heads suck. Let me first clearly distinguish a fan of the band Phish from a Phish-Head. A fan of the band has a general appreciation for the music and/or environment of a Phish show. They are dedicated fans of the band, but understand that at the end of the day it is just music, and life simply cannot revolve around a band. On the other hand, a Phish-head shows an overstated amount of dedication to the band without any realization of the outside world and/or common society. A typical Phish-head cannot contain their love for the band within themselves, they continually try to spread knowledge of the band and try to convert others to become one of them. They generally book their summers off to follow the band around various cities in the USA.


10 . They have an unearned sense of entitlement

9. They think they know more about ‘music’ than anyone

8. They constantly engage in phish-related conversations of social functions

7. They have no interest or knowledge of any other genres of music

6. They spend all their money on the band, and still criticize the corporate world

5. They have unknowingly become outsiders in society

4. They consume an abundance of brain altering illegal substances 

3. They are the most stubborn people in the world

2. They decorate their possessions with Phish-related apparel like an 8 year old does with stickers

1. They are terrible musicians!




 Basketball is back! To all you NBA fanatics out there, Mazel Tov, lets ball.  I’d like to welcome back the likes of Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, and Lebron James. I’d also like to make a shout-out to the owners of all 30 NBA franchises, thanks for compromising you rich assholes! Go Raps Go!